A Loose Thread

It's something about mountain biking, riding so fast your fingers rest on top of the brakes, ready to push down at any moment when you become too afraid. Too bad your mind won't let you because the ride won't be as fun. And no one wants to look like a wussy anyway.

Ears containing the voice of Kid Cudi, Third Eye Blind, and other summer theme's to keep me moving, music serving as the energy to my feet as I pump harder.

This is what makes me happy. I can choose to stop, turn, go faster, go slower. Each and every move is my own, and I'm playing the role of a human goddess. At any moment, I could crash into that pine tree, fly over the handlebars, and wake up in a hospital. Mom always said to wear my helmet.

Not only do I choose to go biking, something I really haven't done before, but I choose the path. I've always done what was expected, but not necessarily what I wanted. I did things normal kids did, like played hide and go seek, make booby traps, despise my greens, and when forced to eat them, put them in my mouth only to spit them back out into the napkin in my lap when my observant mother wasn't looking.
But now, at my tender age, I'm putting my foot down and making my own choices.
Responsibility is a growing up lesson, and a lesson I will fail, even past my time of raising kids, putting them through school, and even as I near the end of my time here. Mistakes are, after all, something we must all endure.

My first semester of college was full of them. Mistake after mistake. Mistake covered by another mistake. Mistake, mistake, mistake! But thanks to the friends and countless bands that pushed me through it, I won’t turn into a blubbering, depressed, 18 year-old zombie. What a life that would be.

So, Florida State University. I have some propositions for you.

First,
God (as You should be), I want to be a child under You. Before I do anything, I must consult with You. But more than that, I should trust You. You've blessed me so much, I can't thank You enough. If this is the school for me, I trust You will show me.

Secondly,
I want to be a bigger and better person. And that goes all the way around. From my grades to my own physical well being. It pays to make the grades, as I have learned.
All A's is my goal. Studying comes before going out.
On the subject of going out, I must have ample enough money to last me till the next shift at the Bee's, and I can't miss school because of being too tired. So, I must limit myself to going out 3 times a week, and on days where I don't have an early morning class or a test.
My attitude, though usually good, must not grow weary. Letting go, accepting people for their faults, and dealing with stress are all factors of my beginning attitude. Start happy, leave happy.
I hear people talk about their friends. I often hear about the few that they consider to be the sweetest, kindest friends they know. Yeah, I want that to be me. I gotta use my actions to speak for my character.
As a poor college kid, I must learn to be, well, poor. How else do you learn how to manage your money better? Saving needs to be a lifelong lesson that stays intact. I know I won't be able to work all the time, but I need to maintain at least three shifts a week.
This is where most of money is wasted- food. And not just any food, but food that isn't that great for me. Too much Fuzions, Applebee's, and late night fast food. I hear home cooking is rewarding. Maybe that's just because it's cheaper.
I bought a bike a week ago, and I love it. Now I need to make it worth the 150 dollars and keep using it. Not only should I bike frequently, but I should run, lift weights, and eat those home cooked meals to stay healthy and in shape.

I know that was a big one but
Lastly,
I want to be happy. Not just with my body, but as I am. Alone. I can't always be holding out for a guy to come sweep me off my feet. I won't be able to do all the things I want to do with a guy holding my kite to the ground. That study abroad trip to Spain? Yep, I better not be seeing someone. Making those A's? Yep, I better not be watching late night movies with a guy. Finding out my path in life? Yep, I better not be confined because of a boyfriend.
Sorry, gentlemen, but you ain't ready for me yet.


I am full of loose threads that are looking to be tied, woven, and braided into something new and fresh. Loose threads that will make me into the woman I want to be and will be someday. Until then, I’ll be waiting to be made into something.